Life's Instruction Manual

Guiding Principles of Perfect Relationships

A perfect relationship is something that is often hoped for.  Perfect is possible if we realize that it is up to us.

  1. Assume every reaction you have is 100% about you. Even when the other person is clearly causing it.
  2. Replace expectations with understandings. Expectations are unmet needs asking for attention.
  3. Ask for what you need, months before you need it. Give everyone a chance to win with you.
  4. Spend time only with people who demonstrate love and respect for you. Key word is demonstrate. Talk is cheap.
  5. Notice how people treat you, not just how special they are. Don’t get seduced by people’s qualities or gifts.
  6. Love people because you want to, not because you need them. Love is a byproduct of caring, not need.
  7. Replacing giving and helping with generosity. Stop giving. Instead, let people partake of what you have available.  Be a spring.
  8. Identify how people are doing their best, even when they aren’t. You, too, are doing your best, especially when you are not.
  9. Be forthright and forthcoming, even if there are potential consequences. Holding stuff back disconnects you from others, even if you don’t think it will.
  10. Hear what isn’t being said and respond to that. People don’t always have the courage to fully communicate. But you can.
  11. Let people be themselves, but not at your expense. Personal boundaries protect your spirit.
  12. Replace traditional roles with collaboration. Roles are a tired vestige of power. Collaboration expands both parties.